The Stories and Novels By Derek Ward
The Brother’s Coworker (reading the local rag): This lady got into a car accident after getting addicted to Xanax
The Brother: Better than getting addicted to car accidents after taking a Xanax
Me: What would the support group for that be like?
The Brother: Those are called demolition derbies.
In Chapter 44, Slim is standing watch in the command center on Skull Island when sabotage breaks out. Mateo, in DC with his family, meets up with Kenn and Nigel. A shot rings out. Then Collin meets up with his new handler from the Truth.
Narrator: Kenn Blanchard
Story: Derek Ward
This episode was originally broadcast on the Urban Shooter podcast.
In Chapter 43, Jess confronts Wolf and Coyote about Billy’s death. Wolf entrusts Jess with something special. Meanwhile in London, Collin receives disturbing orders from the gangster blackmailing him.
Narrator: Kenn Blanchard
Story: Derek Ward
This episode was originally broadcast on the Urban Shooter podcast.
To be scientifically literate is to empower yourself to know when somebody is full of shit.
Neil deGrasse Tyson, on the Nerdist posdcast for 10/31/12
Maybe it’s people blaming scientists for not warning of an earthquake, or believing that water has “memory,” or that cheap consumer items can affect how the basic particles of the universe operates, but it absolutely amazes me how little people understand of how science works. What’s worse, this lack of understanding is causing harm to them and to those under their care.
In Chapter 42, the reunited team attacks Giant and his minions. The battle pushes into the chamber Giant had been searching for in Mexico City. While the rest of the team holds off the Truth’s forces, Jess and Billy go after Giant before he accomplishes his objective. To prevent Giant from getting the Key, a sacrifice has to be made.
Narrator: Kenn Blanchard
Story: Derek Ward
This episode was originally broadcast on the Urban Shooter podcast.
I’m a little behind on this because I missed a couple weeks of Squirrel Report. The call-in question for the Oct. 18 show was the most spectacular pest eradication. Mine isn’t spectacular, but my friends thought it was funny.
About once a month, I have my friends over for a “smoking party.” Basically, I smoke a piece of meat, usually with the assistancey of one of my friends. We smoke the meat, smoke tobacco, and bullshit. These are usually day-long affairs that usually leave me kind of exhausted.
A few months ago, I kicked out my last two friends and then dragged myself into the shower. After a few minutes soaking in the streams of hot water, I turned, looked up, and then screamed like a little girl. Hanging on the ceiling was a spider maybe six to ten inches across. Big. Damn. Spider.
I leapt out of the shower and grabbed my glasses. Seeing clearly didn’t help things. Big. Damn. Spider. Normally, I try to be rational about things. Insects and spiders (especially large ones) will deactivate my rationality and activate “must kill because of terror” parts of my brain.
This is why my first response was to grab a bottle of roach killer. I aimed and sprayed, expecting the BDS to drop into the shower stall, fidget, and die. No, it decided to charge the spray along the ceiling. I continued to hose the BDS (I think I was screaming obscenities, but I can’t remember). The BDS finally got enough spray and dropped into the bathroom trash can. Hurray serendipity!
The BDS was still moving in the trash can. Rationality was still turned off. Must kill was still turned on. In that state of mind, I came up with a brilliant idea. I use scented candles in the bathroom. The candle had been burning for a while. The jar was half-full of melted wax. New weapon!
The BDS finally curled up and died when a half-jar of melted wax hit it like burning oil on storming peasants. Hurray, victory is mine!
The BDS is still at the bottom of the trash can, encased in hardened, scented wax. Even knowing it’s dead, I can’t bring myself to scrape it out. Maybe the BDS had a small victory in death.