Hear the words of the ecclesiasts who proclaim that love is the greatest blessing bestowed upon us by the Goddess. And indeed, it may be so. Yet, let us not be blind to the full nature of Her gift, for it is not a blessing purely benevolent. Consider, if you will, love as a sword—crafted for both defense and destruction. Love, in its divine essence, has the power to fortify the soul or to strike it down with grievous force. As we cast our gaze upon the annals of history, we discern manifold instances where love has ushered forth both glorious triumphs and heart-wrenching tragedies. Thus, we are not called to be skeptics of love, but rather to behold it in all its profound complexity. Only by recognizing the perils entwined with love can we truly extol its virtues. By understanding that love may cast us into despair, we can more fervently rejoice when it elevates our spirits, when it transforms us into better beings than we were before love graced our lives. For in acknowledging the danger, we find the strength to cherish the goodness of love, and in doing so, we honor the Goddess who bestowed it upon us. Let us therefore embrace love with hearts open and eyes unclouded, ever mindful of its dual nature, that we may revel in its blessings and stand firm against its trials. Thus, shall we fulfill the divine purpose and ascend in virtue, as befits the children of the Goddess. – Ecclesiast Callus Gai, an excerpt from his sermon “Meditations on the Blessing of the Goddess”
RIN
Rin trudged into Eldar’s Court well past nightfall. Kurt was waiting for him with that familiar reproachful look. Rin half-expected the dwarf to have his belongings and a lecture waiting for him. Instead, Kurt handed Rin a mug of ale.
“How much trouble am I in?” Rin asked. Kurt chuckled.
“A bit,” Kurt answered, “How did your hunting go?”
“The Purists had a stronger guard out than we expected. Major Agnelli ordered us back before they knew we were there,” Rin answered. “I didn’t even get to kill any of them. A couple of the others managed to take down a few Purists skulking around in the outskirts. Better hunting tomorrow.” Rin gulped down the ale.
“I know you’re disappointed, but I’m glad you the major pulled you back,” Kurt said.
“How did Illana’s speech to the volunteers go?” Rin asked cautiously.
“Better than expected,” Kurt said, “I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised. The girl has years of experience in getting people to do what she wants. She just needed to learn which levers to pull with the volunteers. Most of them were ready to charge out against the Purists by the time she was done. We even managed to sign up another few hundred volunteers.” Kurt took the empty mug from Rin and set it on the ground. Then, he grabbed his foster son in a powerful embrace.
“I love you son,” Kurt said.
“Love you too, you old dwarf,” Rin said. He looked up the stairs. “I guess I should get up there.” Kurt laid a restraining hand on Rin.
“Rin, Illana’s a strong girl, but she’s also fragile in many ways,” Kurt said, “If she comes on strong, don’t try to match her. It’d be like two hammers hitting each other.” Rin nodded and made his way back up to the Imperial Quarters.
Illana was sitting on the bed when he walked into the consort’s chambers. Her expression was regally neutral, but her eyes were red and her makeup destroyed. Rin carefully undid his weapons belt and laid it on the writing desk. The advice from Morelli and Kurt was swirling in his head as he walked up to the Imperial Quarters. He wasn’t sure what he was going to say. He was terrified he was going to say the wrong thing. He reached out for their link and found it full of fear and anger.
“Are you going to leave me again as soon as you capture Shafford?” Illana asked when he turned around.
“That’s not up to me,” Rin admitted, “If the major orders me to take Shafford back to Marei, then yes, I will have to leave again.”
“Why? Why would you do that to us?”
“It’s my duty.”
“Am I less than your duty?” Illana screamed, launching to her feet. Rin felt his own anger rise, but he bit back his retort. There was so much fear in their connection. From both of them. He took a deep breath. He thought back on Kurt’s advice not to meet her anger. Rin took a calming breath and tried a different tack.
“Did you know my paternal grandmother tried to have me killed less than a day after I returned to the Republic?” Rin asked. Illana blinked at the apparent non sequitur.
“Your grandmother tried to kill you?”
“Not with her own hands. She ordered her retainers to kill me.” Illana looked horrified at the idea. Rin guided her back to the bed and laid down next to her. The fear and anger were lessened in their connection.
“Why would your own grandmother want to murder you?” Illana asked. “She’d never even set eyes on you until then.” Rin gave Illana a sad smile.
“When I returned to Marei, I went to my paternal family home. I thought they would take me in. I was so hurt from being told I wasn’t wanted in the Empire, I guess I was looking for someone to help fill that gaping hole.”
“You will tell me who told you that you weren’t wanted here,” Illana said.
“I will, but not now. Right now, let me finish this story.” Illana nodded, but Rin could see in her eyes and through their connection she would not let the matter drop so easily.
“My grandmother’s staff let me in the house. I was so nervous when they told me my grandmother would come down to meet me. They knew exactly who I was. I took that as a sign that I would be accepted. Then she came into the salon. Looking back, my instincts were telling me something was wrong, but I didn’t listen to them. I let my hope drown out the warnings. So, my grandmother sat down and fixed me with a very cold stare. She asked me who I was. That cold and aloof manner shattered she heard my name. She railed at me for being named after ‘that whore’s father.’ She berated me for being the spawn of an ungrateful son who had the gall to die in some far off land instead of returning to the family. Preferably without that ‘gold-digging, whore of a wife.’ As she spouted this, I just sat there. I didn’t know what to do. Maybe if I knew more about how Mariean Great Families worked, it would have turned out differently.”
“What do you mean? What could you have done?”
“I could have calmed her down if I denounced my father for going against her and begged for her forgiveness. Looking back, I realized her senior guardsman and her butler were subtly telling me to do that.”
“Why would you have to beg forgiveness? You were just a child when they died.”
“Yes, but among the Great Families, the sins of the father pass down to the son. If I did what I could to atone, maybe she would have accepted me. I don’t know. I was young, hurt, hungry, and completely oblivious to how Mariean servants subtly hint about proper etiquette. Instead, I treated her like I did every elf lord who berated me for being human. I looked her straight in the eye and thanked her for showing me why my father would rather die in a foreign land with my mother than spend a second in this house with her.”
“That was enough to make her want to kill you?”
“It might have been, but what set her off was when I commented that I should really learn about this Protector she kept swearing to because I’d never heard that He told his people to be so petty and vindictive as she was being. Unless, of course, she was hoping her god would somehow make her heart grow back. Apparently, questioning her faith was pushing just a bit too far. She declared vendetta and ordered her guards to kill me.”
“How did you survive?” Illana asked.
“They expected me to be like my father. I don’t know a lot about my father, but from the little I do know, he wasn’t a fighter. He was a merchant. He learned just enough sword work to fit into polite company among the Great Families. Which wouldn’t be anywhere as good as trained guards.”
“And you were Rin Acciaio,” Illana said. “One of the Heroes of the Empire.”
“Less Hero and more student of Marteen the Scythe,” Rin said. “He always taught me to readily accept reality when violence was at hand. I didn’t know what vendetta was at that time, but I know what to do when people are trying to kill me. I put Marteen’s lessons to good use, took down the closest guard, grabbed his sword, and cut my way out of that house. As I was fleeing the surviving guards, I ran into a friend of my mother. He heard I returned and came looking for me before I ran into my grandmother. He showed up just in time to put the fear of the Protector into the guards still chasing me. He was able to do that because he wore one of these gold stars.” Rin tapped the star on the breast of his tunic.
“Before the end of the day, I was recruited into the rangers,” Rin finished. He looked deep into Illana’s pale blue eyes. They were filled with tears.
“So, you lost your human family after losing your family here,” Illana said.
“No, that’s not what I was trying to say. That woman is not my family. The rangers are my family. The rangers gave me a home when, as far as I knew, everyone else I loved deserted or betrayed me. They let me be my own man. I don’t know if I can explain how precious that is to me. I wasn’t promoted to sergeant because of what some prophecy said or because of whose blood I shared. I was a sergeant because I proved I was capable enough to perform the duties of the rank. The rangers earned my loyalty to them, and I can’t turn my back on my duty to them. I will not break faith with them.”
“So where does that leave me in your life?” Illana asked in a small voice.
“Right here,” Rin said, pointing at his heart.
“Then, why would you leave?” Illana asked. Rin was quiet for a moment. She was almost there. He could see it in her eyes.
“Illana, what would you do if I asked you to leave Lisandra right now? To go with me back to the Republic? To be my wife on a farm deep in the steppe where no one would know us?” Rin asked. Illana sucked in her breath as her eyes grew wide.
“Are you asking me?” Illana said in a very quiet and nervous voice. Rin waited a long moment before answering. He wanted to give one answer, but he knew he needed to give the other.
“No,” Rin answered. Their connection flooded with both relief and disappointment.
“As much as I want to ask you to do that right now, I wouldn’t put you in that position,” Rin said.
“Thank you,” Illana whispered, “I didn’t realize how tempting the thought could be until you said it. However, since you turned back up and cleared out so much of the anger inside me, I see what I need to do. I couldn’t leave everyone when they’re doing so much.”
“I’m the opposite,” Rin said.
“What do you mean?” Illana asked.
“Being around you clears my anger but clouds my sense of duty. I don’t want to leave, but I know I can’t betray those who put their trust in me.” Silence filled the room as the two just held each other.
“Why does everything have to be so complicated for us?” Illana asked. Rin thought it was a rhetorical question until Illana rolled over on top of him and looked up at him with her blue eyes silently demanding an answer.
“I blame you,” Rin said, with a teasing tone. He grunted as she punched him in the side.
“I’m serious, Rin,” Illana said. He stroked her cheek as he thought.
“I don’t know,” Rin said after a few moments. “Selene would chalk it up to prophecy. This is our fate or destiny or some other horseshit. It’s probably just very bad luck.”
“Did you know all of the stories about elves and humans falling in love end in tragedy? I read every one I could find after you left,” Illana said, laying her head on his chest. “It made me believe we were doomed from the start. After that, I just didn’t want to deal with anything that robbed me of so much joy.”
“Stories are just that – stories,” Rin said, “They’re supposed to make you feel one way or another. Most of the time, they only have a passing familiarity with what’s real. You should read some of the stories about the Badlands or the rangers.” He looked down at her.
“The cards are stacked against us. We owe our first loyalties to two different lands. The easiest thing for us to do would be to make a clean break and deal with the heartache.” He smiled as he felt the fear spike in their connection. “Unfortunately for you, I’m a ranger. We never do the easy when the right is staring at us in the face.”
“Well, there’s at least one good thing,” Illana said, before rolling off him and curling up next to him. In a few minutes, they were both asleep.
It was still dark when Rin woke. He reached up and touched the light stone above his head. A faint glow of white light illuminated the room. He looked down and smiled. Illana was gripping him tightly in her sleep. He stroked her pale hair. Her blue eyes sparkled in the low light as she looked up.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you,” Rin said.
“You didn’t. I’ve been awake for hours,” Illana said, “How can you sleep so soundly?”
“It helps to have a beautiful woman sleeping next to you,” Rin answered, trying for a smile. Instead, Illana frowned. He felt the terror through their connection.
“Rin, could you be serious right now?” Illana asked. Rin hugged her tight and kissed the top of her head.
“Illana, what you’re feeling is completely normal,” Rin said.
“I feel like I did the morning Cull took me into that mountain,” Illana said. “Except it’s worse, because back then I was only scared about what was happening to me.” She gripped tighter. “Now, everyone I love could be killed – and that scares me more.” Rin wasn’t sure what to say, so he just stroked her hair and held her for a few minutes.
“We need to get up,” Rin whispered. “You have to go be the princess while I need to go be a ranger.” For a moment, Rin wasn’t sure if Illana was going to let go. Thankfully, she relented and sat up. She gave him a chaste kiss and then walked to the door. Illana paused at the doorway.
“I’m not going to ask you to promise to be here. I know you can’t. I will ask you to promise one thing though. Try, Rin,” Illana said, “I don’t know if I could sleep if I didn’t know where you were.”